Ebook The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, by Michael P. Nichols
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The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, by Michael P. Nichols
Ebook The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, by Michael P. Nichols
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Review
"This book is worthy of reading and rereading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you're doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends."--Doug O., Walnut Creek, California "Lily Tomlin once advised that we 'listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives."--Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania "A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists."--Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy"Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us--and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more."--Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester "I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice."--Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton"What is true listening and why, the author asks, has it become a near-rarity in modern life? Nichols shows how to utilize this [art] to improve and repair relationships with spouses, lovers, relatives, children, friends, and colleagues, and even how to boost one's own 'listenability.' He also explains what listening isn't, explaining why people don't listen and listing obstacles to listening (especially defensiveness owing to emotional overreaction). Humor, true life examples and simple exercises make this a practical and even entertaining self-help guide." (Publishers Weekly 2009-02-18)"Powerful and informative." (Contemporary Psychology 2009-02-18)"I think readers from every walk of lifelay readers and mental health professionals alikewill find something to like here, something that really will turn on a lightbulb or two, something that can help us all get along a bit better and listen a bit more artfully." (counsellingresource.com 2012-06-02)
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About the Author
Michael P. Nichols, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is the author of Stop Arguing with Your Kids, among numerous other books. He is a well-known therapist and a popular speaker.
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Product details
Paperback: 314 pages
Publisher: The Guilford Press; Second edition (February 16, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781593859862
ISBN-13: 978-1593859862
ASIN: 1593859864
Product Dimensions:
6 x 1 x 8.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
149 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#38,599 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I LOVE THIS BOOK ! I first purchased the audio version, which was very well done. So well done that i had to get the print version so that I can highlight and really study it. It is so easy to find fault with everyone else in your life regarding ability to listen, but I found this book to be invaluable when applied to MYSELF, and i have always considered myself a good listener ! This could be a marriage saver ! APPLY what you read, PRACTICE what is suggested, and life can get better ! Technology is ruining us.
This book WILL change your life and the lives of everyone you touch. I listened to it on Audible.com, which was ideal, because the audio version is well narrated and can truly "sink in" more than text can. It covers much more than what one would expect from a "listening" self-help book. It is not just about "active listening" with playback to the speaker every few minutes. It is about deep listening and truly "getting" what someone else needs. Everyone playing the role of spouse, parent, child, teacher, employer, or friend should read this book and put its wise ideas into practice!
Are you a bad listener? Cause I am. Or, at least I was before reading this book. Although it may not be a cure-all, it has helped me to be more aware of my thoughts while someone is speaking to me. Instead of normally wandering from one thought to the next, I now make a conscious effort to truly listen, which Dr. Nichols brings to light in his book; The Lost Art of Listening. While this book has helped me, I also have a few criticisms I must share.After reading through the other reviews for this book, I am surprised by how many thought the examples were so clear. While I can concur to some degree, I thought the examples were sudden and unexpected. In one paragraph he would be talking about an important aspect in listening, and in the next you find yourself in the middle of an example with no direction or forewarning. However, once I re-oriented myself and read through the example, I found it to be helpful in applying the meaning of what Dr. Nichols was trying to get across to my life.As a current student majoring in Communication, I have learned a thing or two about communication styles and the reasons why people react differently to certain words or phrases than others. One of these reasons is “trigger words,†which are words than incite a positive or negative reaction in someone. I have learned that one of my negative trigger words is that word people tend to call women which also happens to be another name for a female dog. I do not appreciate Dr. Nichols using this word so frequently, even for examples sake. It does not seem completely necessary to get the point across.Despite these criticisms, there were a few points in his book I really appreciated him adding, for example, his few pages on the differences between how society thinks men are supposed to listen vs. how women are supposed to listen; men give advice, women sympathize, etc. He made sure to say how important it is to listen without these pre-supposed ideas in mind and he asked the right questions, and for that I want to say a big Thank You!Overall, The Lost Art of Listening is an honest book that has helped me see how I listen, why I listen the way I do, and how I can improve the way I listen for future interactions.
This is a very good book. It is targeted to the lay person and contains some interesting self-tests and listening excercizes. It has proven useful on a personal level to improve understanding and communications between intimates.But it deals with listening in general and can be applied in any situation in which listening is necessary. Which is about every situation imaginable.A terrific choice for this topic.
I am a Dr and have practiced for 20 years, I have put ideas into practice right away, already seeing the positive fruit of change
Read the Epilogue first then again at the end. This section gives such a great philosophical overview (the author would hate that reference) and puts you in the open state to look critically at yourself and make some great changes. I will buy copies for my recently married children.
As a personal mastery trainer and coach I highly recommend this book. Everyone and every relationship can benefit from understanding and applying the knowledge professor Nichols puts forth. It's an easy read and is very practical. I have been teaching listening skills for two decades and learned how to listen better by reading this book!
I am really not the self-help type, but this is probably one of the best books ever on how to communicate with others - be it your partner, children, parents, friends, co-workers - simply everyone. The key is listening - a remarkably difficult skill to develop it turns out. I had the old print version (and loved it) and decided to re-purchase it for my kindle to take on vacation. I was surprised and delighted to see that it had been updated and while some of the text is still the same and a smidgen is now a bit dated (i.e. referring to a book from the 90s) it really doesn't matter because the ideas are so very powerful and timeless. Plus they have added exercises which are simple, but surprisingly difficult because it turns out that listening, really listening is so very hard. Yet it works - whenever I am mindful and really try to listen, the response is almost miraculous.I highly recommend this volume, indeed cannot recommend it highly enough, and go back to it whenever I feel myself slipping - especially with my spouse. It turns out people just want to be heard and while it does not solve everything, it is a helluva start.
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